Well…the Lord sure is stretching me this semester. I have only to trust in him. I literally feel like I'm always just clinging to my Bible. I've never experienced such dependence on the Lord before. I just always feel like a little girl lost in a big crowd struggling to cling to her father's hand, looking up with teary eyes begging, "Please don't leave me..."
This house is the COMPLETE opposite of the other. I'm living in a tiny little apartment off the back of the house. It smells like dirty water and the bed is extremely narrow and feels like I'm just sleeping on the ground. There's no fan, and the stuffy heat and the ticking of the clock might drive me insane. Again...this is not like what I expected, but this time it's worse than what I expected. I like having the space to myself...but talk about lonely.
I’m selfish.
I’m a spoiled princess.
I need to learn contentedness.
I need to learn that you can still LIVE without some “necessities.”
I need to learn that I can do things on my own, like ride the bus. Even in another country. I need to learn that the Lord will take care of me and I have nothing to fear. I’m tired of being scared.
I need to learn to just let go.
I need to learn to be still and know the He is Lord.
This is much more like I thought this trip would be like I guess...it’s still just so weird. This family is so UN family. I don’t like that. I want to eat together, get to know them, etc. I like having my own apartment…but I don't like feeling so disconnected. I just don't know what to do when I'm at home. I wish I had some books to read or something. I have to wait another week and a half for the package from my parents...it has books in it. And whenever the other girl, Lalis, comes back...I'll be sharing the tiny apartment with her until Marisela's daughter leaves and goes back to Denver. And then I'll probably move to the tiny room inside the house next to Marisela's...and then I'll be sharing a bathroom with she and her husband. Greg says that a student stays at that house every semester...but I don't see why. So far I don't like it. A guy from JBU stayed there during the summer, so I'm trying to talk to him to see what he thought....
It's only my second day there...hang in.
Tomorrow I’m going to take the bus to the school to use the internet. And then maybe even take it all the way to Yazmin’s house.
In other news, I found Diet Dr. Pepper this morning. It was a glorious reunion.
I’m tired…there’s too much going on in my head. I’m going to bed.
